I Am Cringe. But I Am Free.

A few months back, a friend texted me about an old YouTube video I had made, asking where it had gone. Through my twenties, I made dozens of surf videos and short-form documentaries about environmental issues in surf spots around the world, some of which had racked up a couple million views. I checked, and much to my chagrin, about a decade’s worth of work had vanished off the face of the internet. As it turned out, this was not a case of censorship, but a cautionary tale of digital due diligence. The email address associated with my YouTube account had been inactive for too long. I hadn’t checked it in years. And because Google owns YouTube, when the Parent Company deleted my inactive email, it deleted my YouTube channel too. Oops! After a big runaround, I learned that nothing could be done. The videos were gone.

Luckily, my brilliant mom had encouraged me to back up all of my videos on a hard drive, which she had saved for me in a dusty drawer at her house. Thanks mom. I was able to fire up the ancient drive, which clicked and moaned with its early 2000’s hardware, and after a long breath hold, all of my old work appeared in neatly organized folders. Whew!

I’m now in the process of re-uploading these videos to my new YouTube channel, subscribe if you like. The first is Claim Your Change. I was eighteen when I made it. The video exposed a proposed coal fired plant on the coast of southern Chile, and the influence surfers have to impact environmental change through their banking choices.

I hadn’t seen the video in years, and watching it was about as pleasant as staring directly into the sun. But once I shook off the initial embarrassment, I had an insight that may be useful to you, dear reader: Cringing is just a sign that we’ve improved.

We know more now. We are older and wiser, and if we had a chance to do it all over again, we would likely make different stylistic choices. (Words zooming across the screen was cool in 2008, I swear.) But let’s pull on this thread a little further, because when it comes to creative endeavours, learning to feel proud of our past work is way more punk rock (and uncommon) than minimizing our achievements.

So I tried something. I watched the old video again, only this time I pretended that someone else had made it. Immediately, I felt the earnest intention of the story. The full-send attitude of this kid who traveled to Chile with his photographer surf buddy, “Chachi,” and they made a thing. That’s fucking rad.

As I plug my nose and begin the process of reuploading all of my old work, I’ve decided to do so with 10 percent more pride. I challenge you to do the same with your old work. Maybe even share it.

Life’s too short not to be proud of ourselves.